I realise as of late there has been a theme with my posts… relationships, or lack of…
So the next step. Dating profiles.
It seems that my older sister having a boyfriend of 2 years and the fact that my 16 year-old sister has just got a boyfriend puts me at a great disadvantage.
My mother has always given me a hard time about my dating history, what mum doesn’t? She is always making jibes, telling me I must be too picky. I feel I shouldn’t clue her in on the fact that maybe the men are picky…
Her current source of hilarity is that she wants me to sign up to Christianmingle.com. At least I really hope she’s joking. I may be wrong, it may be full of funny, attractive, good Christian boys who want to sweep a good Catholic girl like me off my feet, but Christ (excuse me) I couldn’t think of anything worse.
Confession time: I have dabbled with apps such as Tinder and Happn but I have found them seriously lacking.
Tinder is not where I’m going to find the love of my life. If there is one couple out there who met on this app and are now happily married, please notify me so I can eat my own hat…but that would mean I’d have to buy one. On second thoughts just be happy, you beat the odds. YAY!
I think anyone who has been on, knows of, or uses to effect Tinder they know it’s not for relationships, which I found out the hard way. In my Disney fried brain I thought I might meet a handsome stranger through an app and a romance would blossom.
I have also always hoped that someone would leave their phone somewhere and when I returned it we’d fall in love. Or that I’d have one of those meet-cute situation where we bump into each other, I drop all my stuff, and as our hands brush and we look into each other eyes, we fall in love. I blame too many Hilary Duff movies.
But this is clearly not what happens on Tinder when you are wooed with lines like: “Do you like dragons? Because I’ll be dragging my balls across your face tonight” or “do you like to bang?”. I have had “Do you blow?”, also “If you were a chicken you’d be impeccable” followed by “I like to bang, do you?” and one guy even invited himself to stay at mine when he was down my way, no thank you very much!!!
It’s safe to say it’s not the dating app for me.
Then there’s Happn which I recently acquired and in some ways I think it’s making stalking acceptable…I am yet to make my mind up about this one. It kind of feels like those irritating pop-ups that invite you to chat to singles in your area.
It also has the ability to end your life if you accidentally send a ‘charm’ to an attractive stranger, making you look like a desperate creeper. ANYWAY…
In the midst of all this rambling I have been deliberating whether to join a dating website. It appears 1 in 4 relationships begin online. Crazy right?
Apparently everything is handled behind the monitor of a computer these days. No awkward set ups by your loved up friends who only knew one other single, or starting small talk with handsome strangers in queues where they can’t escape. Not that they want to escape, I am totally adorable.
I find the only problem with these websites is you have to create a profile to express who you are…Ahhh! My worst nightmare! Does anyone else freeze up when someone says the five soul-destroying words: “So tell me about yourself” I seem to take a breath and draw a blank, thinking ‘oh God I am the most boring person on the planet, I don’t do anything. WHO AM I?’
I won’t exactly find many matches with the bio: Loud, bubbly, (and no it doesn’t mean I’m fat) 20-year-old seeking anyone willing to take me on. Weird and ridiculously clumsy, I like binge watching TV programmes and when I say binge watch I mean I may not leave the house for a few days, so when I finally leave the comfort of my crumb-filled bed the sunlight burns my eyes. I also sometimes love food more than people and will not share, watching stupid YouTube videos and singing loudly and out of key.
That screams date me!
I think I’ll stick to being heckled at by homeless people, hit on by charity fundraisers, being picked up and waltz around the disco room in Oceana, EVERY TIME! Also getting compliments from sweaty cowboys and being told I dance like an African woman by a whole host of black men who stand in a circle and woop.
Yeah I think I’ll keep my life, it’s pretty wacky but it’s great.