You need a man.

So the majority of friends on my news feeds are either engaged, in relationships, or have children. And I’m just sat here playing Candy Crush trying to work out how much I can procrastinate before failing my degree is a definite thing.

So lets talk about how together everyone else seems to be compared to myself, and how for some weird reason I define being ‘together’ as being in a functional relationship with a future.

NO THIS IS NOT A BURN YOUR BRAS RANT… besides I couldn’t afford a new one.

I am purely raising the age-long issue of spinsterhood.

Apparently it is okay for men to be care free bachelors all their lives, but for a woman to still be alone at 30 it is a crime of nature! I mean she must have something wrong with her!

I am not ashamed to admit I have been single for all 20 years I have roamed this earth. And big shocker… I am happy to stay that way for the time being.

However I may make the occasional joke about how I will die alone, with my 20 dogs, that will eventually eat my rotting corpse from sheer starvation. Only occasionally, when I’m feeling particularly hard done by, and realistically no one needs 20 dogs…I digress.

The truth is I went to an all girls Catholic school and never had an interest in dating, seeking out or even seeing men. I was having a great time with all my friends and although I find men far easier to get along with I was having fun. Even when sixth form came around and guys were allowed to attend no one turned my head.

I mean it’s not like I haven’t had any contact with men. You could count the 4-month relationship I had with a guy I wasn’t attracted to but too afraid to break up with as to hurt his feelings. Or the date I had with a well-intentioned, but sort of creepy guy, where we walked around town 6 times. I bought a pasty – the worst of all foods to eat on a first date- to try to repel him and yet he was still interested. I gently told him where to go.

I have a quite a few male friends, all of whom are great but I would never consider as boyfriend material.

But that’s just it, why do I need a man?

Why does society dub me a freak if I don’t end up married with 3 kids and why do I want this?

Have I been brainwashed like every other woman into thinking it isn’t normal if you are never married? Thinking I’m some sort of unlovable mutant.

The idea that women are like ticking time bombs doesn’t help either. We are told that by the time we are 35 we might as well give up. Apparently our ovaries have shrivelled up and there is not a chance any man will want us.

A man can father children from the minute his balls drop to the day he dies. Those little men will keep on swimming till the very last breath.

Don’t you just hate double standards?

I remember one of my teachers at primary school, who always seemed so old to me and in reality she was probably in her forties. The fact that she was still single was a baffling thought.

I didn’t understand at the age of 4 why she didn’t have a husband.

I was 4 and the idea of marriage was already instilled in me.

Well listen up 4-year-old me!

You don’t need a ring around your finger

To make you feel complete.

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