Okay, I am about to reveal to you all how cool I really am. Well that depends on your definition of cool…if cool to you is guys that have a car, and take you to drive in movie theatres like it’s the 1950s, or girls who have a hobby other than shopping and that like Star Wars, then maybe you shouldn’t read this.
In truth I am appallingly uncool. This is measured by the amount I love the fictional worlds I read and write about. In particular the whimsical wizarding world of Harry Potter (yes I just used alliteration) I am so not helping my case!
So I am a huge Harry Potter fan, but in truth who isn’t? I swear it must be culturally acceptable by now to be really into it (she says hopefully). So on this note of being entirely uncool, no holds barred, I broach the subject of this post.
Why is it always me? A question made famous by a plump little boy, with sticky out ears, and crooked teeth. Yes you’ve guessed it Neville Longbottom. The character you all thought had a mix up with the sorting hat and should have been placed in Hufflepuff, because that’s where all the ‘nice’, and slightly shall we say less extraordinary people are placed. He eventually proved us all wrong. Not many of us could kill a snake with a sword and do it in such style. I wish the cardigan had been written into the book because it just makes it so bad ass. Call me when you help defeat the Dark Lord in a jumper your nan made for you out of the ugly leftover bits of wool.
Anyway… I have always been adamant that I would belong in Griffindor being brave, loyal smart, witty and of course modest. But no matter how hard I wished for it or how much I wanted it I always get the same answer: you belong in Hufflepuff. I know, I know, the sorting hat takes what you want into account (yes I did just write this). Unfortunately I never got my letter from Hogwarts, so the I have never worn the sorting hat, and that’s another wound I would rather not open just now *sob, gasp, cough* I’m okay!
Confession time: I have made three different Pottermore accounts to see if with at least one of them I could get into Griffindor all to no avail. I have taken countless quizzes and each time they would say you would be sorted into Hufflepuff. One fateful day I actually got the result I wanted, so I actually favourited the page and shared it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter just to get the word around. Yes it actually means that much to me and no I don’t think this is the reason I have no significant other.
So today I finally realised after taking another quiz on which Harry Potter character are you and receiving the answer: Neville Longbottom I decided that’s my lot. I will forever be the clumsy, in the wrong place at the wrong time, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, Neville, of the real world.
In my world nothing really works out the way it should and I have seen how it has given me numerous hilarious stories and anecdotes to share over the years. To be honest I wouldn’t have it any other way.
So my catch phrase is now and forever more: ‘why is it always me’ and will be applied to everything from being asked by a trans-gender man where I got my boots, to being sat on by a blind man (this has happened more than once). This is my life and I will accept that my destiny is be laughed at rather than with and my anthem will be Mean by Taylor Swift.
I’ll take my yellow and black robes and be seated amongst the the other ‘duffers’.