This post is dedicated to a brilliant AND beautiful friend of mine who inspired this one 🙂
So I realised today I’m going to have to change the name of my blog in a few days, that’s right I’m turning 20. Eww. I couldn’t be dreading it more. I’m losing the ‘teen’ bit to my age, I guess it’s time I grew up.
Your twenties are when you’re supposed to have your life together and a plan for the inevitable future right? Wrong! I am here in my second year of university, worrying more about what I’m going to cook for dinner than what I’m going to do tomorrow, or in 5 years time.
The future…can we just take a minute to absorb how these two words can induced all-consuming fear in a person. I would rather live in the now, ignoring all prospects or ideas of what tomorrow may bring thank you very much. I will bury my head in the sand and perhaps the rest of me as well. An ostrich if you like… however that is technically a myth, because of their long necks when they graze it looks like their heads have disappeared (fact of the day there for you, you’re welcome) I digress. That’s my problem I guess I’m easily distracted.
Other things to note about me (cue the bullet points):
- I am clumsy
- Accident prone (I once tried to zip up my jacket and punched myself in the face.)
- Weird (as you probably tell)
- I am a hopeless romantic, yet I can’t talk to men.
- I laugh at everything and have about a million different ones, I cannot control it.
- I’m a hoarder
- I like to make lists…see
- I talk a lot
- I love a lot of things (books, music, films, my family and friends, silence, the smell of burnt matches, the smell of rain, jewellery…the list goes on)
- I daydream
- I spend far too much time looking at vines
- And well you get the jist
Not exactly things I can put on my CV.
I’m your average walking disaster, barely functional, stumbling through life, like a blind man in the dark…wait!
So clearly I haven’t got a gift for similes and it is about now when I have to start thinking about what I am good at, or perhaps developing a skill that is actually viable. Wow what a quarter life crisis this is…maybe I should just go and shave my head get a tattoo, some piercings and move to Timbuktu. Sound good? Speak now or forever hold your peace. No takers…*buzzing of electronic shaver*
Okay, okay I won’t go to that extreme but I feel like I need to have some career plan or time to travel the world and find myself on some hilltop in a distant land *cue inspirational music*. Maybe I should set some realistic goals like to get out of bed before 12 on the weekends, or to exercise at least once a year, maybe to actually blog once in while, or to read in the evenings instead of watching telly.
I’m terrified of getting older, scratch that, I’m terrified of growing up. What I wouldn’t give to be seven again dancing around my bedroom Walkman in hand, listening to Sclub with Gareth Gates posters on my wall. That’s it I’m not doing it! I refuse to mature and be grown up *stamps feet*
It’s funny I remember wishing to grow up so I could do all those things I was told I could do “when I was older”. I wished that time would move faster so I could play ‘it’ at snack-time or for lunchtime to come around so I could scoff down the chocolate fingers in my lunch box. And now that I’m reaching my twentieth year on this earth I’m wishing for some small childhood pleasures. I wish I could run until I felt like my legs would fall off, or roll down a hill until I had no idea which way was up. Some days I wish I could go to a play park and spend hours swinging and climbing and hanging around, creating imaginary games to later come home with that layer of playground filth I knew so well. I want to laugh and dance and sing until it is time to be put to bed with a story and a kiss goodnight. Ah childhood.
So who said that it’s not acceptable to have these things when you’re older, who says we have to grow up? Tomorrow I may just run until my legs feel like they might fall off… in the dark, an hour after eating, and when I have properly stretched, oh and taken my inhaler, hydrated and done that piece of work…on second thoughts I may just stay in.
Ah adulthood. Here I come.